one might say we're banned from that church
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
