my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
