i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
