So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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