your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
