Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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