Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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