3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
