So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
