im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
