just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wish you could order shots online.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I touched a dick in church today
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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