She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
