Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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