Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
