The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
