i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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