I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
