I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
