It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you had me at cake vodka
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
