why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
