Porn is love you can see.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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