I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
