we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
