I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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