literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
When are your genitals available?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
