how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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