Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
