She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
