so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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