my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm always down for nudity.
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