My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
