I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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