i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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