Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
