i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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