if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
