you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
