I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
