barbara walters just said penis...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize