I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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