Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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