Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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