Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
