An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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