do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
