When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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