Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
