2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
