if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
