thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
