They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
