Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
