I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
