HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize