I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
