I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
