He is an equal opportunity slut.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
