Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
