I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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