apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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