I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
