a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
