it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Every concussion has its silver lining
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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