He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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