just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
