yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize