well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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