omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
