No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
