I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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