Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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