im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
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Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
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The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Bring me that man meat
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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