i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize