Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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