I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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