If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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