I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
