Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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