there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
