she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
