My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
