i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
