She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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