I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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