I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
